Category Archives: Family

RESOLUTION 2021

HOW CLEAR IS YOUR CRYSTAL BALL?

It’s not uncommon to hear people designate 2020 as the worst year in their life. I tend to feel that way myself. Realistically, when I look back over my 73 years, I recognize that there were other miserable times I wouldn’t want to revisit … times of family strife and loss, career disappointments, financial duress, etc. However, with that said, I am happy to see 2020 come to an end.

Of course, our so readily welcoming 2020’s departure presumes that 2021 will be a better year. But how certain is that? To gain a better perspective on that, I think it could be helpful to consider how 2020 was looking to us at this time a year ago and to assess how clear our crystal ball was.

2020 – LOOKING FORWARD

Team Oaxaca

At this time a year ago, we were pretty optimistic about what the year ahead held for us. Here are some of the highlights of our expectations:

  • Ruth had just received her Sentri/Global Entry Pass and since we had applied together in May of 2019, I expected I’d be getting mine soon. If you don’t know, this pass is very important to people like us who cross the U.S. border frequently. Without out it crossing can take hours … I think our worst has been 5 1/4 hours. With it, crossing usually takes less than 15 minutes.
  • We had made an offer on a condo in the resort community where we had been leasing a villa and we expected that, once the purchase of the condo was complete and our remodeling had progressed sufficiently, we would get into a regular routine of hosting friends and family in our new home
  • Likewise, we expected that we would regularly be visiting friends and family in the U.S., including a few special trips, e.g.:
    • A July getaway for Ruth’s birthday
    • A late September/early October getaway for Gary’s birthday/our anniversary
    • A Thanksgiving getaway
    • A Christmas/New Year’s getaway
  • We were excited about our plans to join in a nine day missions trip to Calvary Chapel Oaxaca.
  • And we were even more excited about our plans to join in Calvary Chapel Rosarito‘s semi-annual trip to Israel in November,
  • We planned to enroll in a two-week Spanish emersion course in Ensenada.
  • During MLB’s initial Spring Training, I secured four tickets for a mid-July Angels/Dodgers Freeway Series game at Anaheim Stadium. I planned to go with a CCR Intern, our Pastor and his Dad.
  • We expected that activities we enjoyed so much through our church (Calvary Chapel Rosarito – CCR) would continue and even expand. These included:
    • Helping with various church service needs as Missionaries on Staff.
    • Joining in Weekly Staff Meeting and Prayer.
    • Helping with a Mercy Ministry in Tijuana.
    • Leading CCR’s Seniors Group, Legends.
    • Joining in a biweekly Life Group.
    • Joining in a weekly Men’s Bible Study.
    • Leading a weekly Women’s Bible study.
    • Serving in the Connections Ministry during Midweek and Weekend Church Services.
    • Serving in the Prayer Corners during Midweek and Weekend Church Services.
    • Enjoying the Worship, Bible Study and Fellowship associated with Midweek and Weekend Church Services.

2020 – LOOKING BACK

Car Church Greeter – Gary Wiram

As they say, hindsight is 20/20. With 2020 now in the rearview mirror, we now know how it turned out. And we understand what circumstances led to the reality of the year and its significant difference from our expectations going in. Here is an overview of those differences for us:

  • Although Ruth got her Sentri/Global Pass at the very beginning of the year, my application remained Pending Review until May. Of course, by the time it was Conditionally Approved, the interview required to complete the process were significantly delayed. I, finally, had my interview on December 23rd and I should be getting my pass within the next couple of weeks.
  • We did complete the purchase of our condo but 2020-related delays meant that we didn’t take possession until July. And, we did manage for remodeling to progress sufficiently but getting into a regular routine of hosting friends and family in our new home remains in the future.
  • Visiting friends and family in the U.S. was pretty limited but we did get in a couple of special trips.
    • In July, we got away for eight days in Indio to celebrate Ruth’s birthday, sharing an AirBnB with Daughter Jill, her guy Chris and Grandsons Jake and Riley.
    • In late October we got away for a week to celebrate our anniversary with a visit to the Grand Canyon and surrounding area.
  • We chose to cancel our travel plans for Thanksgiving and we limited our Christmas getaway to a three day stay with friends in Huntington Beach.
  • We were able to join in the nine day missions trip to Calvary Chapel Oaxaca. It was the second week in February, prior to 2020’s craziness really kicking in.
  • Both the Israel trip and our enrollment in the Spanish emersion course in Ensenada were canceled.
  • Most significantly, activities we enjoyed so much through CCR were radically different. The ones we were able to maintain included:
    • Joining in Weekly Staff Meeting and Prayer.
    • Though we tried to restart CCR’s Seniors Group (Legends) when some things started to reopen, we put it on hold until some time in early 2021.
    • The weekly Men’s Bible Study was successful in restarting when some things started to reopen.
    • The weekly Women’s Bible Study converted to meeting online.
    • Worship, Bible Study and Fellowship associated with Midweek and Weekend Church Services was done online only at first. Then, that was supplemented with Car Church. Presently, we’re having in-person services but health-safety measures limit Fellowship along with ancillary programs and activities.

THE UNFORSEEN

Today’s Good News Devotional – Ruth Wiram

So far, somewhat presumptuously, we haven’t addressed the elephant in the room – i.e. What in the world caused the reality of 2020 to turn out so very different from what we expected?! The obvious answer is COVID-19 but that is really an oversimplification. No doubt that was the overriding issue but, at least for U.S. citizens, COVID-19 became intertwined with cultural matters, particularly politics and religion, to further impact society.

But, as my old high school football coach taught us, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” And that resulted in some unplanned positive results. This included:

  • We were able to share our condo with a key contributor to the remodeling. He is a deportee and he was able to have his family come down from the U.S. to stay with him in the condo.
  • And, we have been able to make our home available to friends from Huntington Beach to use as their base as they lead a major construction project for the Calvary Chapel Church Plant in Otay Mesa.
  • Although the Mercy Ministry in Tijuana was on hold, we found that we were able to help those who are closer to us who couldn’t get out for groceries, etc.
  • As part of our effort to keep Legends connected, we formed Messenger and email groups who receive a Legends Daily Blessing … Daily Scripture with a related Worship song.
  • Helping with new service roles necessitated by Online Church and Car Church.
  • Contributing to a new program of five-minute daily YouTube devotionals called Today’s Good News.
  • Reconnecting with numerous friends and family via social media.

2021’s GAME PLAN

So, having considered how 2020 was looking to us at this time a year ago and having assessed the clarity of that crystal ball, how should that impact our expectations for 2021? Now that vaccines for COVID-19 are being distributed, I’d like to believe that it won’t be long until things return to “normal”. But, I recognize that may not be realistic. In fact, I’ve recognized that, for those born during and after this year, they may never know a time when people freely join in crowds attending various events. With that in mind, I’ve determined my resolution for 2021 to be optimistic in my hope for things to return to “normal” while anticipating the likelihood of a “new normal”.

So, what does that mean? To begin with, for me, that means striving to be more intentional about plans for the things that are most important to me. If you look at the Gary Wiram – Editor page on this blog, you’ll clearly see that my life’s priorities are: Faith, Family and Community. Here’s how I see this year’s intentionality applying in each of those categories:

  • FAITH – Considering 2020’s expectations for this category, the primary goals were:
    • Supporting CCR in ministering to its flock and sharing the Gospel with the community.
    • Supporting CCR’s Church Plants.
    • Continuing to build ourselves up in the faith.

Intentionality with the goals of our faith seem pretty straightforward here. That is, look for opportunities to safely do these things hands-on but expect that we may may need to continue to do them virtually and in some cases, to find new ways to do them virtually.

  • FAMILY and FRIENDS– Our primary goals here have been to share our time, our love and our blessings with our loved ones.

Intentionality with these goals seems straightforward too, with one key difference. While looking for opportunities to safely do these things hands-on and expecting that we may need to do them virtually, bear in mind how COVID-19 became intertwined with cultural matters and be proactive in not allowing that to happen.

  • COMMUNITY – Our key goals here have been to become more and more a part of the community and in doing so, positively impact the community.

This may be the category where intentionality may be the most difficult. But, while it may not be as straightforward, it will be important to continue to look for alternative ways to accomplish what “normally” could be accomplished hands-on. The one thing that is a bit more straightforward, however, is working to remove a roadblock to our becoming more and more a part of the community … removing our language barrier would be huge. So, while our plans for enrolling in a Spanish emersion course in Ensenada may not return as a realistic opportunity, we need to embrace other ways to become conversant in Spanish.

2021 – THE CLEAR VIEW

Proverbs 16:9 tells us “A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.” And, Isaiah 46:9(b)-10 tells us, “I am God, and there is none like Me, Declaring the end from the beginning, And from ancient times things that are not yet done, Saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, And I will do all My pleasure.”

During 2020, I realized, perhaps more so than any other time in my life, the importance of daily looking to God for His guidance. I’m determined to hold even more firmly to that wisdom, going into 2021. I recommend that to you all.

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Beauty for Ashes (III) …

… in the Wake of COVID-19

……. Education Elevated

In this Beauty for Ashes series, I’ve been offering views on how we might leverage the current quarantine of our old “normal” to renew the health of several critical elements of our society. So far, I’ve addressed the importance of restoring the stability of our society’s foundation … the faith found in our houses of worship. And, I’ve taken up the urgency for us to restore the health of our families, as the strength of our social fabric, resting on that firm foundation. The aim of this edition is our education system, the mechanism that serves as the transmission, delivering that strength to the major functional elements of our society.

If it’s not broken …

Marshall Elementary School Math Teacher, Carrie Newton

Far too often, our teachers are blamed for the decline of the education system in the U.S. Typical claims along these lines are that the current crop of teachers aren’t as capable as the teachers we had “back in the day” and that they are overpaid and under worked. Although my career was in business, I spent most of the last decade of my working life in public schools. My experience with teachers during that time was pretty much opposite of these typical claims. Certainly there are exceptions but no more so than you would have found “back in the day.”

A great example of this is Carrie Newton, Math Teacher at Marshall Elementary School in Vancouver, WA. For close to five years, I worked in a classroom next door to Carrie’s. During that time, I wrote an article about her entitled “Train up a child in the way he should go …” If reading that article doesn’t convince you that Carrie exemplifies the superior quality of our education system’s teachers, check out the Math Queen movie above. This is from the YouTube channel that she created in order to continue her students’ math education during her school’s current COVID-19 related shutdown. If you’re concerned about the quality and dedication of teachers in our present education system, one of the best things you can do is to recognize and encourage teachers like Carrie Newton.

If it doesn’t serve its community …

I retired from working in a public school, at the end of the 2018 calendar year. So, I no longer have a direct view of what those who are in charge of running our public schools are doing during their current downtime. From my limited view, it appears that they are facilitating online learning. They’re making sure that every student has online access by distributing iPads or Chromebooks, etc. And, they’re equipping their teachers with the resources they need to deliver their curriculum online. Additionally, it appears that they are working hard to assure that student-families who were relying on meals provided by the schools continue to get the help they need along those lines.

Of course, it’s great that the above-mentioned steps are being taken. But, this downtime offers an opportunity to make sorely needed changes that are much more far reaching. Chief among these is the need for our schools to meet the needs of their community. Generally speaking, the U.S. education system is one-size-fits-all. And, mostly, it reflects the inbred views of national/state/local/district boards of education, determining the heavily politically orientated curriculum to be delivered. The result is that, by and large, employers find the pool of their prospective employees to be ill equipped to meet their performance requirements.

So, if that’s the case, what is a better approach? My recommendation is, if a top-down one-size-fits-all approach is failing, consider a bottom-up custom-fit alternative. Here’s what that means:

Many school districts are structured so that a high school serves a specific geographic area in a community. That high school has several middle schools that feed it and those middle schools each have several elementary schools that feed them. My thought is to set up each of these geographic school entities as a private company. Instead of being part of a school district that makes the decisions for the administration they place in each of their member schools, each of these would be independent, with their administration being composed of representatives from that geographic area’s employers, student-families and educators. Furthermore, funding for each of these entities would come from within that geographic area. Of course, this would take some time to wean off of the current methods of funding. But, it would be an incentive for communities to strive for being assured of getting what they pay for. According to a 2018 article entitled Report: Public School Bloat, Depressing Teacher Pay, Wasted $805 Billion Since 1992, it looks like there’s plenty of money that could be made available for us to work with.

Growth in Education Staffing

It’s a silver-lining, no ifs …

In the Firm Foundation edition of Beauty for Ashes, I noted how the lack of faith-based upbringing negatively impacts our schools. This, as a result of students showing up with little understanding of what they’re there to accomplish. Added to that is the fact that many of these young people lack the development of appropriate behavior habits for a learning environment. Presently, our public schools attempt to address the results of these lacking qualities under the heading of Student Discipline.

My observation from my decade of working in public schools is that this is one of the greatest contributors to the declined status of our current education system. Essentially, what our schools are attempting to do with this is to do the job that families are failing to do in the upbringing of their children. Sadly, the approach our schools are taking with this is failing too and as a result of having to wastefully expend their resources on this, they’re failing at what we’re counting on them to do in the first place … to educate our kids.

One step to resolving this dilemma is for families to return to their Firm Foundation, as outlined in the preceding edition of this series – i.e. to return to being dedicated to caring for each other, their children, their preceding generations and subsequent generations. But, for our schools to eliminate the challenges they currently face as a result of this dedication being greatly lacking in today’s families, they can’t simply assume that their student-families will adhere to this needed caring dedication. They must insist on it.

In order to do this, our schools must first define expectations for student-behaviors. These behaviors must be defined to maximize the efficiency of the resources that the school invests in their students’ education. Likewise they must minimize any distractions from their students’ education. Then, a requirement of student enrollment should be that their families sign off on their agreement to the school’s mandatory expectations for student behaviors. Non-compliance would result in the removal of the student from the school and for the families to take over full responsibility for that students education.

Although having our schools insist on student-families taking responsibility for their students’ behaviors at school is an appropriate step for resolving the dilemma that our schools currently face with Student Discipline, it is an idealistic notion. It begs the question, “What is a better way to manage the behaviors of the current crop of students being sent to our schools by today’s families? Most often, this question results in endless debates pitting today’s methods for Student Discipline against the related practices from “back in the day.” Since I was a public school student “back in the day”, early on in my days as a public school employee, I fell into the trap of this debate. Here’s how:

The school district where I worked did use an approach to Student Discipline that ultimately concluded with expulsions but they were never absolute. An expelled student would, simply be sent to another school for a time. This included being sent to special schools set up, specifically, for students who will not/can not behave appropriately. The steps leading up to expulsion included suspension, various forms of detention, being sent to a “buddy room” and various forms of in-class discipline, including the use of a “resolution room.” Actually, “resolution rooms” or “quiet rooms” have a legitimate function in classrooms for kids with special needs. Mostly, they are meant as a place to put a student to keep them from harming themselves and/or others. When I first heard the term “resolution room”, I thought it was just another step in dealing with Student Discipline that had no real consequences. My reaction was, “We, also, had resolution rooms back when I was in school. Ours looked like a hallway and it looked like the Principal was out there with a paddle. I only visited there once. That’s all it took for me to get the message.”

With that, you may assume that I’m recommending a return to corporal punishment. That was effective and it is Biblical but I don’t think it would be realistic for me to expect today’s society to accept it. However, it is true that the approach to Student Discipline by today’s schools is failing and it needs to be replaced by something that is effective.

Ironically, I believe that the COVID-19 crisis has handed us a great solution. None of our students are in classrooms right now. That includes the students who will not/can not behave appropriately … the very students whose behaviors waste the resources that schools invest in their students’ education and whose behaviors greatly distract from other students’ education, as well as their own. Right now, any education being provided through our public schools is being delivered online.

There is no way to fully know what our world’s “new normal” will look like when the COVID-19 crisis settles down. Perhaps online learning through our public schools will remain as a much more significant factor than it did before the crisis. Maybe public schools will return, as much as possible, to the in-classroom learning we’ve been accustomed to. Regardless, I see online learning as an effective way for our public schools to replace today’s general approach to Student Discipline. It can take the place of a “buddy room” or detentions or suspensions or expulsions, including permanent expulsions when necessary. In any case, it would greatly diminish the burden of this very detrimental issue from our schools and move that responsibility to where it belongs … on to the student-families and the students themselves.

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Filed under church, community, Culture, Current Events, Education, faith, Family, Judeo-Christian values, society

Beauty for Ashes …

… in the Wake of COVID-19

……. for Our Families

From Normal to a Better New Normal

Today, our world is a long way from what just a short time ago we thought of as “normal”. And, when the COVID-19 pandemic is more under control, we shouldn’t expect our world to return to that “normal”.

Right now, we may tend to focus on what we’ve lost from the old “normal”, as well as what we anticipate losing in the new “normal”. But, it’s not all loss now and it doesn’t have to be after the current crisis has passed. A good example is that in the middle of this crisis, “miraculously”, we suddenly found it possible to get our homeless off our streets.

In his video, entitled Silver Lining of Coronavirus Pandemic, Radio Talk Show Host Dennis Prager points out that life has never been meant to be pain-free. He contends that toughening us up to this fact of life is a silver lining to the COVID-19 related crisis. My goal in this reawakening of Here I Raise My Ebenezer is to take a look beyond this to ways this crisis can serve as a vehicle to make and/or maintain positive changes in our society.

In the time immediately preceding the world’s current crisis, there were many social issues sorely in need of change. But, typically, time and other resources were too limited to address those needs. Now that many of our “normal” activities have been put on hold, we have more time available to make plans for making those needed changes, as well as plans for maintaining positive changes that have been forced by the current crisis.

During this time, I intend to use Here I Raise My Ebenezer to address several of these issues. With this writing, I’m focusing on a crucial social element that is near and dear to my heart … our Families.

Our families, resting on the firm foundation of our communities, was once the strength of our social fabric. The quarantine of our old “normal” offers us a unique opportunity to renew the health of this critical element in our society.

Strengthening Healthy Families

For better or worse; the closing of businesses, schools, entertainment venues, etc., along with social distancing and limiting the size of gatherings, is forcing us all to spend more time with those with whom we live …. in most cases, that means our families. In the best-case scenarios, this means we get to spend more time investing in those we love and our relationships with them. In my opinion, an overarching facet of this should be to develop new habits in doing this so that we won’t easily or willingly give them up when the pressures of returning to whatever our new “normal” is begins to encroach on this rediscovered treasure.

Strengthening Troubled Families

Of course, there are many families with challenges in place that would dampen the interest of some to invest any time in other family members. My prayer is that individuals who fit this description will take the same approach with this that I recommend for everyone for helping the world get through this time of crisis … be determined to be part of the solution, not part of the problem, by doing something good for others.

This can only be successful, though, if both parties humble themselves and adopt the same attitude. Even then, the two parties may not be able to find all the needed answers for their troubled relationship on their own. More good news! Although many churches are streaming church services online, many of their “normal” activities have been postponed. That means there are some great counseling resources available and they don’t have to be delivered face-to-face. So, whether it’s a troubled marriage or a troubled parent/child relationship or a troubled relationship between siblings or … , there is ample time available and resources are readily available for helping to bring the needed healing. The key remaining necessary element is your willingness to invest in making beauty a reality where ashes are imminent.

Healing Broken Families

In an article entitled Land Where the Fathers Hide, I addressed a level of “troubled relationships” that goes well beyond those mentioned immediately above. For the most part, this focused on the issues resulting from one or both parents being missing in the lives of their children. The causes for this include parents who vanish simply out of selfish irresponsibility. Divorce contributes to this as well, in some cases involving the bitterness of one parent estranging the other from their children. And there are circumstances resulting from bad choices made by one or both parents resulting in imprisonment, drug addiction, etc.

As obviously challenging as these situations are, I firmly believe they can be transformed. Here too, success depends on all parties involved humbling themselves and adopting an attitude of being determined to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

In order to provide encouragement to those who have relationships that fall into this last category, I want to recount for you a real-life story that I witnessed taking place just since the COVID-19 related crisis began. This involves a couple who married when they were very young, when she got pregnant. Their marriage only lasted a few years after their baby was born. They caused each other a lot of pain in ending their marriage and since then, they haven’t had much of a relationship and most of the relationship they have had has been counterproductive. Though they now have grown grandchildren, in all that time they seemed unwilling or disinterested in finding forgiveness for each other. However, in recent years, they became aware that they had both returned to living according to their Christian faith. So, when the current crisis hit, it heightened their concern that their child and their grandchildren don’t appear to be leading their lives as faithful Christians. As a result, they reached out to each other and agreed to jointly communicate to their child and their grandchildren with a message about the paramount importance of faith at a time like this. It’s too early to assess the results of their reaching out to their offspring but it’s clear that this effort did result in one major accomplishment … their forgiveness of each other.

Real Hope for Our Families

Although I find this real-life story to be encouraging, I realize that it doesn’t map to every case involving divorce. And, cases involving abandonment, imprisonment, drug addiction, etc., can certainly be more complex. But, at the very least, this story should serve as encouragement that, as hopeless as some family circumstances may seem, hope can be found. Moreover, if we do take advantage of our current circumstances to strengthen our healthy and even our troubled families, our number of broken families in need of healing will be significantly reduced and overall, the health of our families, as a great strength of our social fabric, will be renewed.

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Filed under community, Culture, Current Events, divorce, faith, Family, Fathers, Marriage, Single-Moms, society, Substance Abuse

LOVE WAS HER LIFE’S THEME

My eulogy for my Mother, as read at her funeral.

When Jesus was asked “What is the greatest commandment?”, He answered, “Love God with everything you’ve got and show that by doing likewise with your fellow man.” Of course, that is a paraphrase but my Mother took it literally and quite seriously. I think it’s fair to say that love was her life’s theme.

Geraldine Elizabeth Ray Wiram August 12, 1919 - April 14, 2016

Geraldine Elizabeth Ray Wiram

August 12,1919 – April 14, 2016

FROM BIRTHPLACE TO HOMETOWN

That was demonstrated from her beginning, in her birthplace, Greenville, IL. Her connection with family and friends that she knew prior to her family moving to Terre Haute, was something she always treasured. Of course, the most precious to her we’re those who went with her to Terre Haute; her Father E. K. Ray, her Mother Clara, her Sister Thelma and her Brother who died in infancy. Throughout her life, she looked forward to getting to know him in Heaven and now, she’s getting to do that.

The people I knew as Grandpa and Grandma Ray, Aunt Thelma and Mom started becoming part of their community through Grandpa’s job on the Pennsylvania Railroad, through neighborhood activities, through school activities, through service organizations and probably most important of all, through the Second Avenue Evangelical United Brethren Church. The relationships that were developed during that time are too numerous to mention but, as evidenced by some who are here even today, these were not passing acquaintances but loving relationships that Mom nurtured throughout her life.

MOST SIGNIFICANT NEW RELATIONSHIPS

I do want to mention two relationships that we’re of particular importance though. During that time, my Aunt Thelma met a handsome young man, named Bob McIndoo. For the sake of brevity, let me just say that I ended up knowing him as Uncle Bob. He was a man I truly admired and Mom loved him dearly, as she did Thelma’s and Bob’s children; my late Cousin Ron, my Cousin Janet Sue and my Cousin Jim. Since they have been a prolific bunch, that gave Mom In-laws, grandchildren and next generations of the same to love too.

The other particularly important relationship developed during that time involved another handsome young man named Chet Wiram. Although you won’t find his name in Mom’s obituary, he was of great importance in her life. His Dad worked on the Pennsy too, they lived in the same neighborhood, they went to the same schools and they were together in the youth group at Second Avenue EUB. There were 12 Wiram kids, 10 who survived childhood, so even if they had just become friends, that would have expanded Mom’s social circle exponentially. But, a romance blossomed and when he was 21 and she was 19, they married. Of course, that worked out to the benefit of many in this room today, including my Sister Nancy, our late Brother Dick and myself. Then, along with Mom, in addition to the Rays, the McIndoos and all those Wirams, there was us to love. Added to that we’re the Franzwas, the Sagraves, the D’Amicos and the Dillers, through a Son-in-law and three Daughters-in-law, who she loved as her own children. Since we have been a rather prolific bunch too, grandchildren and next generations were added to Mom’s circle of love through this too.

CHOOSING LOVE

In my view, Mom’s love was most vividly demonstrated in her dedication to her Husband and her children. Shortly after Nancy was born, Dad joined the Navy and went off to WWII. About nine months after Mom visited Dad in his Southern California port, Dick came along. And, not long after the war ended, their baby boomer showed up … that’s me. All during that time, Mom’s love was the driving force, holding that young little family together. At the start of the next decade, though, Chet and Gerry’s marriage ended. Mom responded by pouring her life and love into her children. In the process, she found the job that would provide her living for the rest of her life. She became a Long Distance Telephone Operator. In the beginning, that meant working a split shift and riding the bus two round trips per day, so that she could see her kids off to school in the morning and be there when they came home in the afternoon. She recruited my Aunt Carolyn and several neighborhood ladies to stand in the gap for the times she couldn’t be there. My Sister joined in with that more and more, as she got older. I don’t think its an exaggeration to sum up this season of Mom’s life by saying, “No greater love has a woman than this, than to lay down her life for her family.” Continue reading

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April 19, 2016 · 6:25 am

Single Moms – Mapping Their Son’s Masculine Journey

THE MASCULINE HEART

Wild HeartOn a recent vacation, while driving round trip from Southwest Washington to Northwest Wyoming, I finally managed to finish a book a friend had loaned me this past winter. It was The Way of the Wild Heart, by John Eldredge. It’s a follow-up to another of Eldredge’s best-sellers, Wild at Heart.

The subtitle of Wild at Heart is: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul. Its back cover expands on that by saying: “In Wild at Heart, John Eldredge invites men to recover their masculine heart, defined in the image of a passionate God.” In the book, Eldredge lays out three main longings of every male on their journey in life. Each man longs for: A battle to fight, An adventure to live and A beauty to rescue. In The Way of the Wild Heart, Eldredge expands on this theme by noting six major phases of a man’s life: Beloved Son, Cowboy (or Ranger), Warrior, Lover, King and Sage. This book’s main point is that God wants to come and father us through each of these stages. The key underlying theme, though, is the vital role earthly fathers and male mentors are meant to play in accomplishing this.

SHOWING THE WAY Continue reading

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Repairing America’s Social Fabric

Securing The Legacy Of The Greatest Generation – Part Two

Rockwell Diversity

YESTERDAY’S SUPERIOR VALUES

In Part One of this series, I pointed out a number of values that were commonly held in the heyday of the Greatest Generation, values that are significantly different from (and I think vastly superior to) our related values today. My purpose in doing that was to explore how America would benefit through reacquiring those once-common values and applying them to our present-day challenges. With that in mind, in this article, I want to more specifically try to answer the question, “What are the problems facing us today that can be addressed in this way?” Once I’ve examined the “What?” question here, in future articles I intend to take up the question of “How?”.

TODAY’S DAUNTING CHALLENGES

As I’ve considered this “What?” question, it has seemed to me that applying once-common values of the Greatest Generation might offer solutions to a broad range of present-day challenges. However, to illustrate my views on this, I’m going to focus on a single concern. It’s one that’s deeply troubling and in fact, this disturbing matter is the one that got my thinking started on this topic in the first place. It’s School Shootings. Continue reading

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Filed under America’s founding ideals, community, faith, Family, Judeo-Christian values

A Housewarming Gift In Heaven

Nancy Gary Dick Backyard

MY BIG BROTHER

This past Friday morning, we got the news that my big brother had passed away overnight, near where he lived, in Alabama. When our big sister broke the news to our nearly 95-year-old mother, the words of comfort I offered her included: “Thank you for giving me as good of a big brother as a guy could ask for and thank you for pointing all your kids to Jesus.” My comfort during this time lies in knowing that that’s where my brother is now … at home in Heaven with Jesus. As a result, more than I would ordinarily, I’ve found myself considering what things are like in Heaven.

My Big BrotherChester Richard (Dick) Wiram is my big brother. Of course, there’s a lot I could tell you about him. If you’d like to know some of his biography, I recommend starting with his obituary, that appeared in our hometown newspaper. What I’d really like to tell you about, though, is a bit about the kind of guy he was and how he impacted my life.

BROTHERS?!

When he passed away, Dick was close to 70 years old. I’m nearing 67 so that means Dick got the first three years of his time here on Earth to himself, without the responsibility of being my big brother. If he was still here with us, I expect that he would refer to that time as “the good old days”.

Isn’t that the way it is with brothers? You can say and do things with each other that you couldn’t get away with if it was anyone else. But, you can do so with your brother because it’s usually done in jest and because of the love you share. Dick was great at that. I told my wife, Ruth; it seemed that Dick had done that by taking our Dad’s wry sense of humor and developing it to a whole new level. Continue reading

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All Are Precious In His Sight

Barbara Boyle's 3B Class - Warren Elementary - 1955-56

LIVE IN HARMONY

This past week, I got to spend a little time with a First Grade Teacher who is also one of my very favorite people. She was teaching our class to join her class in singing and signing a song called The World Is A Rainbow. This was in preparation for an assembly that, I assumed, was related to the upcoming Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. holiday. Although it would be an oversimplification (and somewhat outdated) for me to say that her purpose in this was to teach racial harmony, that was certainly a part of what she had in mind.

My first lesson in racial harmony came when I was First-Grade-aged or younger and it took place in church, not in school. Then, the song we sang was entitled Jesus Loves The Little Children. As I thought of these differences in experiences between the kids of today and the kids of my day, that led me to consider the ramifications.

ALL THE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD?! Continue reading

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Play Mean but Play Clean

dick-butkus-coverWhat comes to mind for you when you hear the name Dick Butkus? Immediately, I think along the lines of the caption on this Sports Illustrated cover … “Dick Butkus of the Bears – The most feared man in the game (NFL Football)”. No doubt, many others (especially those of my generation) share that same first thought. And, there’s ample justification for that line of thinking. The 6 ft 3 in, 245 lb Butkus, was known as one of the most feared and intimidating linebackers during his nine years as a player for the Chicago Bears.

Next, you may think of Dick Butkus as a celebrity endorser and actor. That’s my next thought too. And, here too, there’s plenty of good reason for thinking that way. The “most feared man in the game” persona of this Pro Football Hall of Fame member has been very effective in promoting brand names, from his Miller Lite commercials with Bubba Smith  to his “I’m sorry, Dick Butkus” spots for FedEx. And, Butkus has had numerous roles on TV and in the movies. He was even the namesake for Rocky’s English Mastiff, in both the Rocky and Rocky II movies.

So, if you met him today, wouldn’t you expect to meet a somewhat older version of the Dick Butkus you’ve come to know about over the years? That is, an imposing figure who still lives in his hometown, Chicago, whose time is mostly spent enjoying the leisure activities of retirement, along with some dabbling in the worlds of sports and entertainment. That’s what I thought when my Wife, Ruth and I had the pleasure of meeting him recently at a MarriageTeam Tailgate Party & Auction. I will say that the qualities I expected to find in his makeup all seemed to be present and undiminished. However, I also got to start becoming acquainted with some dimensions of the man that were a pleasant surprise. One of these is a campaign he started, called Play Clean™. It’s a program that encourages teens to “train hard, eat well, and play with attitude”, instead of resorting to illegal steroids. His willingness to take this stand against steroids caused USA Today to comment that Butkus may have a greater impact on the game in his 60s (now 70s) than he did playing in his 20s. Continue reading

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Stand By Me at the Glassy Sea

Ron CoxRonald Ray Cox, a friend from the time of my birth, passed from life on Earth to life in eternity at about 8:32 a.m. (EST), October 19, 2013. Knowing that, it’s likely for you to think that I’m writing this to honor my friend and to tell you wonderful stories from a relationship that stretched out over nearly 70 years. Though I do want to honor my old friend, since there was a gap in our relationship from the time we finished college until about five months prior to Ron’s passing, when he was diagnosed with terminal liver cancer, I don’t have those nearly 70 years’ worth of stories to share. Thankfully, I do have the story to share of how I was blessed in reconnecting with Ron at the end of his life and getting to witness how he and his Wife, Kim, embraced God and each other through their final season together.

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