Category Archives: Family

Glug and Dad

Glug at the age of 78
Glug at the age of 78

Glug?! That’s an awfully peculiar pet name to give a kid, don’t you think? But, that is the nickname my Dad gave me. He used it from the time I was a baby until he died. Of course, I don’t remember him using it when I was a baby but here’s what he told me about the origin of that name: Apparently, I’ve had a hearty appetite from birth. According to my Dad, when I started bottle-feeding, that appetite resulted in the sound of “glug glug glug” coming from me. Thus his term of endearment for me … Glug!

My intention is to write a series about Glug, to share some unvarnished stories from my life that I think you’ll find interesting and maybe even entertaining. Since it was my Dad who dubbed me with the moniker “Glug”, it seems appropriate that I start this series by telling stories about my Dad and our relationship.

I have dear friends who have developed an excellent and extensive curriculum in Cross-cultural Communication. They teach that we all have aspects to our personalities that they call Life Formers. These could be obvious things like being born blind. Or they could be seemingly less apparent things like being left-handed. From the time I learned about Life Formers, I recognized that, easily, my most significant Life Former was that my Dad left my Mom when I was only three-years-old. With that in mind, you’ll understand that my memories of times spent with my Dad are precious. As I dove into this topic, my sense was that my memories of times spent with my Dad wouldn’t just be precious, they would be precious and few. In sifting through these memories, I found many more than I expected. As a result, I will be covering what I see as most significant highlights with this article and rely on subsequent write-ups to fill out the rest.

Chet

Lonnie and Anna Wiram
Lonnie and Anna Wiram

My Dad’s full name was Chester Alonzo Wiram. Everyone called him Chet. He was born in Fitchburg, Kentucky, to Lonnie and Anna Wiram. At that time, Lonnie was working in the oil fields of Eastern Kentucky and the family was living in a tent. According to the family story, when the tent burned down, the family moved to Indiana.

Chet was the second-born of 12 children. One child died in infancy and another, who had Down syndrome, died in adolescence when she caught measles. I grew up knowing Dad as one of 10 kids, 7 boys and 3 girls. Each of these, my paternal Aunts and Uncles, have warm places in my heart and interesting stories of their own. But, for now, I’ll limit this to a most significant story that the brothers shared with Chet.

Military Service

Six of the 7 brothers served in the U.S. Military. Four of them served at the same time in WWII. These were: Kenny in the Navy, Chet in the Navy, Frank in the Army and Gordon Hubert (aka Hub) in the Navy. Thankfully, my Grandma Wiram didn’t end up suffering the grief of the Mother depicted in the movie Saving Private Ryan.

Kenny, pictured here with his Wife Margaret, served at Naval Station Great Lakes (IL) for the entirety of WWII. There, he was trained as an engraver. One can only imagine how those skills were used in the war effort. After the war, he and his family moved to Washington D.C., where he worked for the Bureau of Engraving and Printing. When visiting Uncle Kenny, he liked to show samples of what he saw as his most interesting work. This included things like engraved invitations to President Kennedy’s dinners, the infamous Dag Hammarskjold stamp, etc.

Margaret and Kenny Wiram
Chet Wiram During Basic Training

Chet served in the South Pacific, most notably as a Petty Officer aboard the escort carrier, USS Bougainville. During the war, he worked as a Radarman. He received Bronze Stars for the battles of Guam, Saipan, Okinawa and Iwo Jima. When the war was over, before his honorable discharge, he served on Shore Patrol in mainland China. This last assignment set the course for the rest of his working life.

Uncle Frank was a humble hero who served in the Army. Though I never heard him talk about his experience, he was awarded the Purple Heart for wounds he survived during the Normandy Invasion. Later, he served as a liberator of concentration camps. After the war, Frank and his family moved to the Inland Empire of California. Eventually, he returned to Terre Haute, IN, our hometown, where he worked as a Letter Carrier for the U.S. Postal Service.

Frank Wiram
Gordon Hubert (Hub) Wiram

Gordon Hubert (aka Hub), the youngest of the four brothers who served in WWII, ended up attaining the highest rank. Like Chet, he served in the Navy in the South Pacific. After the war, he and his family returned to our hometown, where, taking advantage of the GI Bill, he attended and graduated from, what was then, Indiana State Teachers College. Gordon’s career as a school teacher was fairly brief. He was recruited to return to the Navy, eventually attaining the rank of Commander, with a battleship under his command. In retirement, he lived in El Cajon, CA and served as the head of the Point Loma High School NROTC program.

Chet’s Career

Since my Dad was 30 years old when I was born, I wasn’t around for his formative years. As a result, my familiarity with his education, as well as his work experience before I came along, is pretty sketchy. I know that he dropped out of the same high school that I ended up attending. I believe that was, at least partially, driven by his Dad, who was working to support a Wife and 10 kids, encouraging him to get a job. That belief is supported by my Dad telling me about going out for the high school football team and having his Dad make him return his uniform and quit the team. Later, in the Navy, he did get his GED.

The only job I remember hearing about my Dad having prior to WWII, was as a Jelly Maker at Ann Page Foods, the food processing plant operated by A&P. I’m not sure what, if any, jobs my Dad had immediately after the war but I know that, eventually, he joined the Terre Haute Police Department, as a Patrolman. He ended up retiring as the Lieutenant of Detectives. In retirement, he worked as a Pre-sentence Investigator for the Vigo County Courts.

Police Officer Chet Wiram

Most of my early memories of my Dad have him in his police uniform. Although he left my Mom when I was only three-years-old, he came by our home frequently. Often, this was while he was on patrol. Our home was peculiarly positioned with one alley running behind it and another running beside it. Dad and his Partner, Harry Miller, would park their patrol car under the kitchen window facing the side alley. If a dispatch call came in while Dad was in the kitchen visiting with us, Harry would use his flashlight to signal Dad through the kitchen window. Meanwhile, he would visit with us in the kitchen while drinking coffee and smoking unfiltered Lucky Strike cigarettes. Those were two of my strongest sensory memories of Dad from that time … the smell of coffee and Lucky Strikes along with the smell of Old Spice aftershave and the smell of the leather components of Dad’s uniform.

Of course, working as a Police Officer sometimes means dealing with people during the worst times in their lives. That was the case with the most notable incident in my Dad’s police career. In the evening of February 1, 1954, a local man came home and shot his Wife and her two Daughters. The Wife and the eldest Daughter were killed. The younger Daughter was wounded but she managed to get to a neighbor’s home, to call the police. Apparently, the shooter’s actions were his response to being served for divorce, along with an eviction notice, earlier that day. When the shooter’s Son reported seeing his Father get a 5-gallon can of kerosene and hearing him declare that he was going to burn down the business where his Wife had worked, two Police Officers … my Dad and his Partner, Harry Miller … were dispatched to that location. While investigating the exterior of the business, in the dark and cluttered with numerous shipping crates, a bullet tore past my Dad’s head. My Dad, then, caught a glimpse of a man crouching behind a crate. When he called out to the man to surrender, he was answered with another gunshot. With that, my Dad fired four shots at the figure hiding behind the crate. After waiting and cautiously approaching, my Dad found the shooter lying on the ground with a .38 caliber revolver at his side and a bullet wound in his head.

True Detective Magazine Article

NOTE: Every year the police organizations throughout Indiana conduct firearms competitions. During my Dad’s police career, he consistently placed First or Second in the handgun competition. Obviously, the assailant in the account above chose to shoot at absolutely the wrong Cop. In January of 1956, this story was published in True Detective Magazine in an article entitled The Cop Who Shot Straight.

By now, you probably think I’ve told you all there is to know about my Dad’s worklife. But you’re forgetting a significant aspect of his being a Cop. Cops were even more underpaid in his day and he was supporting two families. So, to supplement his income as a Cop, he did a lot of moonlighting.

I doubt that I know about all of his moonlighting but I do recall that, occasionally, he would transport cars for Bob Moore, a local Used Car Dealer. He, also, worked as a Salesman at a local appliance store, named Jimmy’s Appliance. Mostly, I remember him earning extra money through construction. Unfortunately for me, he was always too busy to pass his skills along. I often wish he had been able to do that. To give you some perspective on the level of his construction skills, let me tell you that he built a ranch style home for his second family all by himself. He told me the only help he had was from the concrete guys who poured the foundation and a guy who helped him raise the wall frames into their vertical position.

First Family

Earlier, I mentioned that my Dad supported two families. The “First Family”, the family I grew up in, consisted of: Gerry (Geraldine), my Mom; Nancy, my Sister; Dick (Chester Richard), my Brother and me.

 

I really don’t know when my parents first met. I know that they grew up in the same neighborhood and that they were part of the youth group at the Second Avenue EUB Church. When Dad was 21 and Mom was 19, they married. Nancy came along in 1941, less than a month before Japan’s attack on Pearl Harbor. Dick was born during WWII in 1944, just about nine months after Mom had visited Dad on R&R in Southern California. And, I was the Baby Boomer, born in 1947. I’ll tell you more about these family members another time. At this juncture, though, I do want to share two anecdotes related to my older siblings.

When the 9/11 attack occurred, I thought that the way it affected life in the U.S. must have been similar to that of the Pearl Harbor Attack. When I asked my Mom if my assumption was accurate, she told me that she really didn’t remember. She went on to say that was because she wasn’t able to pay much attention. Her first child, my Sister Nancy, had been born on November 17, 1941, just a couple of weeks before the Pearl Harbor Attack on December 7, 1941. Although FDR called that day “a date which will live in infamy”, I guess some people were just busy dealing with the circumstances of their personal lives.

When my Brother Dick was born, my Dad was aboard the Bougainville in the South Pacific. On  July 4, 1944, upon the arrival of the news that his Son had been born, Dad and his shipmates celebrated the Fourth of July birth with a drunken party. Of course, in 1944, communication technology was not nearly as sophisticated as it is today. When the telegram arrived, the official news was that my Brother had been born on July 3, 1944, not the Fourth of July. The result was my Dad and his shipmates being chagrined and hung over.

Sadly, when I was only three-years-old, my Dad and my Mom got divorced. I don’t really know much about what led up to that. Of course, my Mom knew and my older siblings must have known much more than I did. Suffice it to say, it seems my Dad left my Mom for another woman. That made us, tragically, what has become common but then was quite rare … a “broken family”.

Second Family

Coincidentally, “the other woman” was named Nancy, like my Sister. Here too, I don’t know how they met. I do know that she worked for the local newspaper, the Terre Haute Tribune-Star. Somewhere, I have a clipping from that local paper mentioning that Officer Wiram seemed especially happy that day due to the birth of a Son … me. So, I’m guessing that Dad met that Nancy  through the newspaper in his role as a Police Officer. I’m also guessing that the newspaper clipping I mentioned may indicate that they had a relationship prior to my birth.

Nancy had a Daughter from her previous marriage. Her name was Melody. We were the same age. Dad adopted her and she became my step-Sister. Together, Nancy and Dad had a Son, named Mark. Although he was my half-Brother, since he was nearly eight years younger than me, we didn’t really have a relationship as children. Sadly, all of the Second Family have now passed away. The most recent was Mark (pictured on the right) in January of 2021.

Mark James Wiram

As you might guess, Dad’s second Wife and the Second Family in general, were not popular subjects around my home. That Nancy had native-American ancestry. My Mom, who was the least hateful person I’ve ever known, always referred to her as “Old Pocahontas”. Since that Nancy played a key role in my Mom becoming a single-Parent, raising three kids on her own, her harsh attitude towards “the other woman” is understandable.

Although we, the kids of the First Family, weren’t allowed to visit the home of the Second Family, once I got out of elementary school, my Dad started encouraging me to find opportunities to visit his home. Eventually I did. At first, I felt sneaky and guilty about doing that. When I think about it, I remember that I would tell my Mom that I was going out to do something with friends. Then, I’d walk to a gas station about three blocks from my home where I’d use a payphone to call my Dad and he would come get me. I don’t remember a lot of details about those visits. Mostly, I just hung out with Dad and started to get acquainted with that Nancy, Melody and Mark. Of course, sometime along the way, my Mom did find out about my secretive visits. I don’t recall there being a lot of drama associated with her discovery. For me, it was just nice to, then, be able to visit openly.

There was one incident that took place at my Dad’s house that I’m sure you’ll find to be amusing. I mentioned that Melody and I were the same age. Although we went to different high schools, we shared typical teenage interests. As a result, I began taking one or more of my buddies along on my visits, including times when no adults were home. Typically, we would listen to rock-and-roll music, drink sodas and eat snacks. However, one day we decided to joy-ride in my Dad’s old “beater”. He always had an old “beater” around to use when he worked construction. This one was a 1940s era Ford, complete with running boards. I don’t know why but it didn’t have an ignition key. Dad just made it easy to start with a “hotwire” setup. During that time, Dad painted his house pink. When he finished, he had leftover paint that he used to paint the old “beater”. That shade of pink was nice on the house. On the old “beater”, it was just bizarre. As you might imagine, it was pretty tempting for four or five teenagers, who were nearing the time when we could get our driver’s licenses, to see that hotwired old “beater” just sitting there. Anyway, we did give in to temptation and we took turns behind the steering wheel, ripping and tearing around the streets of my Dad’s suburban neighborhood. During one of my turns, I rounded a corner on the street where my Dad lived and to my horror, I saw a police car sitting in his driveway. In my panic, I jerked the steering wheel sharply to the left. That took us into a neighbor’s yard, over a sapling and nearly through the picture window of their living room. Again in a panic, we decided to have the only kid with a Learner’s Permit get behind the steering wheel, thinking that would minimize our legal exposure. Of course, the occupants of that police car, my Dad and his partner, quickly arrived on the scene. For me, everything after that is a blur. I don’t really remember the details of the aftermath. But, I’m sure I’m still grounded. 

Dad and Glug

One of my favorite memories of Dad was when he came to my elementary school class for Sharing Time. No doubt you can imagine how special it was for me to have my Dad, in his Full-dress Police Uniform, come to my class to share about being a Cop.

Every year, the FOP (Fraternal Order of Police) held a family Christmas party. I don’t know how Dad worked out bringing the First Family kids to this and not the Second Family kids. Regardless, it was something I thoroughly enjoyed. Two key things I remember about my time there was that Dad always wanted me to introduce myself as “Chet Wiram’s brat” and he wanted me to be one of the kids who would sing a Christmas Carol solo. The one song I remember singing was Up On The Rooftop. Each kid who sang a solo would get the same prize. It was a fishnet style Christmas stocking stuffed with candy and in the toe was a fresh orange and a silver dollar.

We thought of ourselves as lower-middle-income but, in reality, we were somewhere between poor and lower-income. That meant we didn’t take expensive vacations. But that didn’t stop Dad from sharing fun times with us.

Dad’s parents lived in the area and so did most of his siblings. So, we always had family we could go visit. My favorite was visiting the farm home where my Uncle Willie, Aunt Lillian and Cousins Carol Sue, David and Pat lived. It was in a little community not far from my hometown, named Blackhawk. Uncle Willie worked for the Pennsylvania Railroad so the farming aspects of their home was limited. Still, they had a cow that they milked and Aunt Lillian made her own butter. There were enough chickens that we had fresh eggs every morning. Of course, there was always fresh fruit and vegetables. They had a few pigs but I think they ended up going to market instead of on our dinner table. I do remember “slopping the hogs” so they served well as garbage disposals. My favorite meal, though, was frog legs. The boys (David, Pat, Dick and I) would take gunny sacks to seine frogs out of ponds in the area and take them home for Aunt Lillian to prepare. During the day, the boys would have a blast playing on the farm and in the surrounding countryside. Carol Sue and Nancy would go horseback riding and help Aunt Lillian around the house. In the evening, Dad would hang a white bedsheet in the farm home’s large front yard and he would show home movies while we had popcorn, fudge and soda pop.

Wiram Blackhawk Farm Home
Wiram Blackhawk Farm Home

As one of seven Brothers, even as a young adult, much of Dad’s social life involved hanging out with those guys. Even after he left my Mom, Dad would come to our house to make home improvements – e.g. putting in a half-bath and shower, enclosing our front porch, replacing the shed and outhouse with a garage, etc. In a space in our backyard, next to the garage that he had built, he constructed a concrete ping pong table. I still remember watching those Brothers having a great time, playing ping pong under a single bare light bulb on hot and humid Indiana Summer nights.

The first real vacation I remember taking was when Dad took the First Family, including Mom, to St. Louis to visit their renowned zoo. Since Dad had a second Wife and a Second Family, I know that seems peculiar but, as a kid, I didn’t give that any thought. At the time, I may have been preschool age or at most, early elementary school age. I don’t recall the length of the trip but I remember spending at least one night in a motel. Of course, the highlight of the trip was the zoo. Gorillas, monkees, lions, elephants, giraffes and tigers, along with exotic birds and reptiles, etc. Plus beverages, snacks and souvenirs. How exciting?! And for me, one of the precious memories I have of Dad, Mom, Nancy Dick and me enjoying life together as a family.  

Several other vacation experiences were made possible through my Dad’s construction skills. He built a camper trailer that we used at some of Indiana’s nearby State Parks. The one I remember the best was McCormick’s Creek. This too was one of those peculiar times when, regardless of the fact that Dad had a second Wife and a Second family; Dad, Mom, Nancy Dick and I were able to enjoy life together as a family. And, McCormick’s Creek provided a wonderful setting for that with its spectacular limestone canyon, flowing creek, scenic waterfalls, hiking trails, fire tower, stone arch bridge, Statehouse Quarry, wild life, etc. In addition to using the camper trailer for vacation experiences, we would set it up in our backyard in the Summer so that Dick and I could sleep outdoors. Let me tell you, in the days when A/C was not common, that camper trailer provided a welcome break on hot and humid Indiana Summer nights. 

The vacation that stands out in my memory the most, though, was the trip I made with Dad and the Second Family to visit Dad’s older Brother, Kenny and his family in the Washington D.C. area. There’s too much to tell about this trip to include in this article. So, I’ll plan to cover those details in a later entry. Although this experience was brimming with highlights, the most meaningful parts were getting to know the principals much better – i.e. Dad, Nancy, Melody, Mark, Uncle Kenny, Aunt Margaret and Cousins Terry and Wayne.

Estrangement

As mentioned early-on in this article, my most significant Life Former was that my Dad had left my Mom when I was only three-years-old. Sometime around my late high school/early college years, I became more conscious of the negative effects of not having a Father around as much as I would have liked and thus, not getting much mentoring from him. As I struggled with considerations such as; higher education, career goals, finding a Wife, starting a family, financial goals, etc.; I increasingly developed bitterness about that lack of mentoring. That resulted in my avoiding contact with my Dad and not being very pleasant when we were in touch.

Looking back, I realize that my behavior only worsened the situation. But I was operating with the emotions of an immature late-teen and that was the choice I made. Although I doubt if my Dad knew the specifics of my self-inflicted estrangement choice, to his credit, he recognized that something was wrong and he loved me enough to want to correct it.

I remember that he called me, asking if we could meet for lunch. Grudgingly, I accepted. I believe we went to one of Dad’s favorite police patrol coffee-stops … Steak ‘n’ Shake. Actually, most of our conversation took place in Dad’s car in the Steak ‘n’ Shake parking lot. Once again, I wasn’t very pleasant with him but, in the end, I agreed to getting together with him more often.

I don’t remember much about the progression of our relationship following our Steak ‘n’ Shake meeting but our relationship did improve. In fact, we became closer than ever. I will be eternally grateful for that. Although it came later in the game than I would’ve preferred, I did get to benefit from Dad’s counsel on some important issues. And, it was truly a blessing to have him visit my workplace and my home, with my young family and especially for him to get to spend time with my Daughter, Misty.

Superman

I think it’s not uncommon for kids to think of their Dad as Superman. Based on what I’ve told you about my Dad’s military service, his police career and his construction skills; it’s logical to think I had that view of my Dad too. I did. But, I was shocked into reality one day in 1971. My Brother and I had gone to Qualifications for the Indy 500. When we got back to my Indianapolis home, we were greeted with the news that my Dad had been hospitalized with a heart attack. Today, we would have gotten that news directly by cell phone while we were at the IMS. But, back then, communication wasn’t that easy. It turned out that Dad’s heart attack had happened while he was at work in Terre Haute and he had driven himself to the hospital. So, much of the news we got was secondhand and vague. I don’t remember much about the immediate aftermath. But I know, as soon as we could, we made the 80 mile trek from Indy to Terre Haute. As I recall, Dad’s stay in the hospital was fairly brief, he was able to return to work after a moderate time off and all seemed to return to normal. After all, Dad was only 53-years-old.

Looking back, I realize that Dad’s lifestyle was one of doing all the things you’re not supposed to do to avoid having a heart attack. He wasn’t a chain-smoker but he smoked cigarettes a lot. More often than not, when he was smoking, he had a cup of coffee in the other hand. Being a cop is a very stressful job. On top of that, he worked like a dog, moonlighting to be able to support two families. Plus, maintaining relationships with a Wife, an ex-Wife and five kids is pretty stressful too.

With all that understood, it should have been obvious that another heart attack was an eventuality. But, to me, Dad was still Superman. Right? Wrong! In late May/early June of 1974, Dad was hospitalized with a heart attack again. That certainly got the attention of everyone in his family. The kids from the First Family all lived away from Terre Haute so we all started making it a point to visit as often as possible. My most vivid memory of that time was Fathers Day. All the kids from both the First and Second Families visited Dad at Terre Haute’s Union Hospital. For me, the most memorable part of that visit came when the family went out from Dad’s hospital room to a more accommodating meeting area. Dad asked me to stay behind in order to push him out to the meeting area in a wheelchair after he visited the bathroom. When he came out of the bathroom, he came out with a cloud of cigarette smoke over his head. I know that seems crazy but it’s just proof of how addictive nicotine is.

Although the 1974 hospital stay was longer than the one in 1971, Dad was eventually released and sent home. As I recall, the first weekend that Dad was home after his most recent hospital stay, once again, all the kids from both the First and Second Families came to visit. I remember it being an especially good time for all of us, with Dad imploring my Brother and I to stay longer when we decided to go play golf.

During the week following the at-home visit mentioned above, while I was at work in Indy, I got a very emotional call from my step-Sister, Melody. She told me that Dad had suffered another heart attack, that he had been rushed to the hospital, that it didn’t look good and that I should get there as soon as possible. I did just that. When I arrived at Union Hospital, since I was familiar with the 4th Floor location of their Cardiac Care Unit (CCU), I went directly there. At the CCU’s Nurses Station, I let them know who I was and who I was there to see. After some apparent confusion on the part of the Nurse I was talking to, she said, “I don’t think he made it up this far”. That confused me and I asked what she meant. She then said, “If you’ll go down to the 1st Floor, a Chaplain will meet you there to tell you what’s going on.” I was still a bit confused and somewhat numb but I got back on the elevator to go back down to the 1st Floor. That elevator ride was excruciating for me. The elevator stopped at every floor, with several people getting on and off at each floor. During that ride, I started to realize what the Chaplain would most likely tell me. But part of me was still hoping that Dad’s heart attack had turned out to be mild and that they had sent him home. After all, I still thought of him as Superman. But he wasn’t. The news from the Chaplain was that, at the age of 56, my Dad had died.

After getting the devastating news of Dad’s passing and realizing I was alone at the hospital, I drove to Dad’s house where the grieving process truly began. Ironically, the first step of that for me was to bum a cigarette from Melody. I had quit smoking for about a year but I started smoking again that day.

Prior to my Dad’s passing, my only experience with the passing of a close relative was with my maternal Grandmother. Grandma Ray was one of the sweetest ladies I’ve ever known and I love her dearly. But, grieving for her was somewhat dampened by the fact that she had been declining into dementia for more than a decade. And, Grandpa Ray was always good at planning ahead so there was no need for any of us to be involved in the funeral arrangements. But that wasn’t true with my Dad’s passing. It seemed that the mortuary for Dad’s funeral had been pre-selected. Otherwise, all the funeral arrangements had to be made. In a way, that turned out to be good for us, keeping us all working together. I know that involved the kids from the First Family working side-by-side with the Second Family. But, for the most part, I remember taking care of those responsibilities with my Sister and Brother. And, I remember it being especially hard for my Brother since Dad had passed away on July 2nd, the day before Dick’s birthday.

The funeral turned out to be pretty impressive. As a Cop, Dad had a lot of friends and acquaintances. Many of these were important individuals in our hometown. So, the number of people coming for visitation and the funeral was significant. The THPD assigned officers in full-dress uniforms to stand as sentries at both ends of Dad’s casket. One of these was Ray Watts, my first friend outside of my family. Dad had helped Ray join the THPD and mentored him as a young officer. Later, Ray became the THPD Chief of Police. The funeral concluded with a motorcade to Roselawn Memorial Park for the graveside services. Except for the funerals I’ve seen on TV of heads-of-state, etc., I’ve never seen a motorcade as lengthy as the one that escorted Dad to his final resting place.

Dad and The Lord

Considering all that I’ve told you about my Dad, you know that he had his imperfections. I suppose that there are those who would classify some of his imperfections as vices. One that he didn’t have, though, was drinking. Although I do remember seeing a fifth of bourbon in Dad’s pantry one year around Christmastime, I don’t recall ever seeing my Dad drink an alcoholic beverage. Obviously, that didn’t lead to him having a long life but it did set a good example for me. On the other hand, he didn’t set an example for me in what I now consider the most important area of life. I don’t have any memory of seeing him in church or even of hearing him talk about The Lord. At the time of his death, though I considered myself to be a Christian, I certainly wasn’t walking with The Lord. Consequently, my sense was that Dad was gone forever. That wasn’t so much of a conscious thought as it was a subconscious emotion. Regardless, it rendered me as being pretty unconsolable.

It was my Mom who set the example for me relative to having a relationship with The Lord. To this day, when I’m asked about how I came to The Lord, my answer is, “You know, I’m a very blessed guy. The first Sunday after I was brought home from being born at Saint Anthony Hospital, my Mom and my Grandma Ray took me to the Second Avenue EUB Church. So, I’ve been around the church and The Word nearly all my life. When I was 12-years-old, I confessed being a sinner, I professed my faith in Jesus Christ and I got baptized.” Of course, I don’t actually recall the events of my first Sunday at church. With that recognition, late in my Mother’s life, I asked her if what I tell people is accurate. She said, “Yes; me, your Grandma and your Dad.” Hearing that, my heart nearly burst with joy. Mom went on to remind me that she and Dad first got to know each other in the Youth Group at Second Avenue EUB Church and that he had done the same as I had when I was 12-years-old … confessing being a sinner, professing faith in Jesus Christ and getting baptized. In other words, that told me that my Dad isn’t gone forever. I have every hope of seeing him again when I’m called home to be with The Lord.

Chester A. Wiram
December 23, 1917 –
July 2, 1974

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Filed under divorce, faith, Family, Fathers, Life Formers, Love, Salvation, sons

RESOLUTION 2021

HOW CLEAR IS YOUR CRYSTAL BALL?

It’s not uncommon to hear people designate 2020 as the worst year in their life. I tend to feel that way myself. Realistically, when I look back over my 73 years, I recognize that there were other miserable times I wouldn’t want to revisit … times of family strife and loss, career disappointments, financial duress, etc. However, with that said, I am happy to see 2020 come to an end.

Of course, our so readily welcoming 2020’s departure presumes that 2021 will be a better year. But how certain is that? To gain a better perspective on that, I think it could be helpful to consider how 2020 was looking to us at this time a year ago and to assess how clear our crystal ball was.

2020 – LOOKING FORWARD

Team Oaxaca

At this time a year ago, we were pretty optimistic about what the year ahead held for us. Here are some of the highlights of our expectations:

  • Ruth had just received her Sentri/Global Entry Pass and since we had applied together in May of 2019, I expected I’d be getting mine soon. If you don’t know, this pass is very important to people like us who cross the U.S. border frequently. Without out it crossing can take hours … I think our worst has been 5 1/4 hours. With it, crossing usually takes less than 15 minutes.
  • We had made an offer on a condo in the resort community where we had been leasing a villa and we expected that, once the purchase of the condo was complete and our remodeling had progressed sufficiently, we would get into a regular routine of hosting friends and family in our new home
  • Likewise, we expected that we would regularly be visiting friends and family in the U.S., including a few special trips, e.g.:
    • A July getaway for Ruth’s birthday
    • A late September/early October getaway for Gary’s birthday/our anniversary
    • A Thanksgiving getaway
    • A Christmas/New Year’s getaway
  • We were excited about our plans to join in a nine day missions trip to Calvary Chapel Oaxaca.
  • And we were even more excited about our plans to join in Calvary Chapel Rosarito‘s semi-annual trip to Israel in November,
  • We planned to enroll in a two-week Spanish emersion course in Ensenada.
  • During MLB’s initial Spring Training, I secured four tickets for a mid-July Angels/Dodgers Freeway Series game at Anaheim Stadium. I planned to go with a CCR Intern, our Pastor and his Dad.
  • We expected that activities we enjoyed so much through our church (Calvary Chapel Rosarito – CCR) would continue and even expand. These included:
    • Helping with various church service needs as Missionaries on Staff.
    • Joining in Weekly Staff Meeting and Prayer.
    • Helping with a Mercy Ministry in Tijuana.
    • Leading CCR’s Seniors Group, Legends.
    • Joining in a biweekly Life Group.
    • Joining in a weekly Men’s Bible Study.
    • Leading a weekly Women’s Bible study.
    • Serving in the Connections Ministry during Midweek and Weekend Church Services.
    • Serving in the Prayer Corners during Midweek and Weekend Church Services.
    • Enjoying the Worship, Bible Study and Fellowship associated with Midweek and Weekend Church Services.

2020 – LOOKING BACK

Car Church Greeter – Gary Wiram

As they say, hindsight is 20/20. With 2020 now in the rearview mirror, we now know how it turned out. And we understand what circumstances led to the reality of the year and its significant difference from our expectations going in. Here is an overview of those differences for us:

  • Although Ruth got her Sentri/Global Pass at the very beginning of the year, my application remained Pending Review until May. Of course, by the time it was Conditionally Approved, the interview required to complete the process were significantly delayed. I, finally, had my interview on December 23rd and I should be getting my pass within the next couple of weeks.
  • We did complete the purchase of our condo but 2020-related delays meant that we didn’t take possession until July. And, we did manage for remodeling to progress sufficiently but getting into a regular routine of hosting friends and family in our new home remains in the future.
  • Visiting friends and family in the U.S. was pretty limited but we did get in a couple of special trips.
    • In July, we got away for eight days in Indio to celebrate Ruth’s birthday, sharing an AirBnB with Daughter Jill, her guy Chris and Grandsons Jake and Riley.
    • In late October we got away for a week to celebrate our anniversary with a visit to the Grand Canyon and surrounding area.
  • We chose to cancel our travel plans for Thanksgiving and we limited our Christmas getaway to a three day stay with friends in Huntington Beach.
  • We were able to join in the nine day missions trip to Calvary Chapel Oaxaca. It was the second week in February, prior to 2020’s craziness really kicking in.
  • Both the Israel trip and our enrollment in the Spanish emersion course in Ensenada were canceled.
  • Most significantly, activities we enjoyed so much through CCR were radically different. The ones we were able to maintain included:
    • Joining in Weekly Staff Meeting and Prayer.
    • Though we tried to restart CCR’s Seniors Group (Legends) when some things started to reopen, we put it on hold until some time in early 2021.
    • The weekly Men’s Bible Study was successful in restarting when some things started to reopen.
    • The weekly Women’s Bible Study converted to meeting online.
    • Worship, Bible Study and Fellowship associated with Midweek and Weekend Church Services was done online only at first. Then, that was supplemented with Car Church. Presently, we’re having in-person services but health-safety measures limit Fellowship along with ancillary programs and activities.

THE UNFORSEEN

Today’s Good News Devotional – Ruth Wiram

So far, somewhat presumptuously, we haven’t addressed the elephant in the room – i.e. What in the world caused the reality of 2020 to turn out so very different from what we expected?! The obvious answer is COVID-19 but that is really an oversimplification. No doubt that was the overriding issue but, at least for U.S. citizens, COVID-19 became intertwined with cultural matters, particularly politics and religion, to further impact society.

But, as my old high school football coach taught us, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” And that resulted in some unplanned positive results. This included:

  • We were able to share our condo with a key contributor to the remodeling. He is a deportee and he was able to have his family come down from the U.S. to stay with him in the condo.
  • And, we have been able to make our home available to friends from Huntington Beach to use as their base as they lead a major construction project for the Calvary Chapel Church Plant in Otay Mesa.
  • Although the Mercy Ministry in Tijuana was on hold, we found that we were able to help those who are closer to us who couldn’t get out for groceries, etc.
  • As part of our effort to keep Legends connected, we formed Messenger and email groups who receive a Legends Daily Blessing … Daily Scripture with a related Worship song.
  • Helping with new service roles necessitated by Online Church and Car Church.
  • Contributing to a new program of five-minute daily YouTube devotionals called Today’s Good News.
  • Reconnecting with numerous friends and family via social media.

2021’s GAME PLAN

So, having considered how 2020 was looking to us at this time a year ago and having assessed the clarity of that crystal ball, how should that impact our expectations for 2021? Now that vaccines for COVID-19 are being distributed, I’d like to believe that it won’t be long until things return to “normal”. But, I recognize that may not be realistic. In fact, I’ve recognized that, for those born during and after this year, they may never know a time when people freely join in crowds attending various events. With that in mind, I’ve determined my resolution for 2021 to be optimistic in my hope for things to return to “normal” while anticipating the likelihood of a “new normal”.

So, what does that mean? To begin with, for me, that means striving to be more intentional about plans for the things that are most important to me. If you look at the Gary Wiram – Editor page on this blog, you’ll clearly see that my life’s priorities are: Faith, Family and Community. Here’s how I see this year’s intentionality applying in each of those categories:

  • FAITH – Considering 2020’s expectations for this category, the primary goals were:
    • Supporting CCR in ministering to its flock and sharing the Gospel with the community.
    • Supporting CCR’s Church Plants.
    • Continuing to build ourselves up in the faith.

Intentionality with the goals of our faith seem pretty straightforward here. That is, look for opportunities to safely do these things hands-on but expect that we may may need to continue to do them virtually and in some cases, to find new ways to do them virtually.

  • FAMILY and FRIENDS– Our primary goals here have been to share our time, our love and our blessings with our loved ones.

Intentionality with these goals seems straightforward too, with one key difference. While looking for opportunities to safely do these things hands-on and expecting that we may need to do them virtually, bear in mind how COVID-19 became intertwined with cultural matters and be proactive in not allowing that to happen.

  • COMMUNITY – Our key goals here have been to become more and more a part of the community and in doing so, positively impact the community.

This may be the category where intentionality may be the most difficult. But, while it may not be as straightforward, it will be important to continue to look for alternative ways to accomplish what “normally” could be accomplished hands-on. The one thing that is a bit more straightforward, however, is working to remove a roadblock to our becoming more and more a part of the community … removing our language barrier would be huge. So, while our plans for enrolling in a Spanish emersion course in Ensenada may not return as a realistic opportunity, we need to embrace other ways to become conversant in Spanish.

2021 – THE CLEAR VIEW

Proverbs 16:9 tells us “A man’s heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps.” And, Isaiah 46:9(b)-10 tells us, “I am God, and there is none like Me, Declaring the end from the beginning, And from ancient times things that are not yet done, Saying, ‘My counsel shall stand, And I will do all My pleasure.”

During 2020, I realized, perhaps more so than any other time in my life, the importance of daily looking to God for His guidance. I’m determined to hold even more firmly to that wisdom, going into 2021. I recommend that to you all.

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Beauty for Ashes (III) …

… in the Wake of COVID-19

……. Education Elevated

In this Beauty for Ashes series, I’ve been offering views on how we might leverage the current quarantine of our old “normal” to renew the health of several critical elements of our society. So far, I’ve addressed the importance of restoring the stability of our society’s foundation … the faith found in our houses of worship. And, I’ve taken up the urgency for us to restore the health of our families, as the strength of our social fabric, resting on that firm foundation. The aim of this edition is our education system, the mechanism that serves as the transmission, delivering that strength to the major functional elements of our society.

If it’s not broken …

Marshall Elementary School Math Teacher, Carrie Newton

Far too often, our teachers are blamed for the decline of the education system in the U.S. Typical claims along these lines are that the current crop of teachers aren’t as capable as the teachers we had “back in the day” and that they are overpaid and under worked. Although my career was in business, I spent most of the last decade of my working life in public schools. My experience with teachers during that time was pretty much opposite of these typical claims. Certainly there are exceptions but no more so than you would have found “back in the day.”

A great example of this is Carrie Newton, Math Teacher at Marshall Elementary School in Vancouver, WA. For close to five years, I worked in a classroom next door to Carrie’s. During that time, I wrote an article about her entitled “Train up a child in the way he should go …” If reading that article doesn’t convince you that Carrie exemplifies the superior quality of our education system’s teachers, check out the Math Queen movie above. This is from the YouTube channel that she created in order to continue her students’ math education during her school’s current COVID-19 related shutdown. If you’re concerned about the quality and dedication of teachers in our present education system, one of the best things you can do is to recognize and encourage teachers like Carrie Newton.

If it doesn’t serve its community …

I retired from working in a public school, at the end of the 2018 calendar year. So, I no longer have a direct view of what those who are in charge of running our public schools are doing during their current downtime. From my limited view, it appears that they are facilitating online learning. They’re making sure that every student has online access by distributing iPads or Chromebooks, etc. And, they’re equipping their teachers with the resources they need to deliver their curriculum online. Additionally, it appears that they are working hard to assure that student-families who were relying on meals provided by the schools continue to get the help they need along those lines.

Of course, it’s great that the above-mentioned steps are being taken. But, this downtime offers an opportunity to make sorely needed changes that are much more far reaching. Chief among these is the need for our schools to meet the needs of their community. Generally speaking, the U.S. education system is one-size-fits-all. And, mostly, it reflects the inbred views of national/state/local/district boards of education, determining the heavily politically orientated curriculum to be delivered. The result is that, by and large, employers find the pool of their prospective employees to be ill equipped to meet their performance requirements.

So, if that’s the case, what is a better approach? My recommendation is, if a top-down one-size-fits-all approach is failing, consider a bottom-up custom-fit alternative. Here’s what that means:

Many school districts are structured so that a high school serves a specific geographic area in a community. That high school has several middle schools that feed it and those middle schools each have several elementary schools that feed them. My thought is to set up each of these geographic school entities as a private company. Instead of being part of a school district that makes the decisions for the administration they place in each of their member schools, each of these would be independent, with their administration being composed of representatives from that geographic area’s employers, student-families and educators. Furthermore, funding for each of these entities would come from within that geographic area. Of course, this would take some time to wean off of the current methods of funding. But, it would be an incentive for communities to strive for being assured of getting what they pay for. According to a 2018 article entitled Report: Public School Bloat, Depressing Teacher Pay, Wasted $805 Billion Since 1992, it looks like there’s plenty of money that could be made available for us to work with.

Growth in Education Staffing

It’s a silver-lining, no ifs …

In the Firm Foundation edition of Beauty for Ashes, I noted how the lack of faith-based upbringing negatively impacts our schools. This, as a result of students showing up with little understanding of what they’re there to accomplish. Added to that is the fact that many of these young people lack the development of appropriate behavior habits for a learning environment. Presently, our public schools attempt to address the results of these lacking qualities under the heading of Student Discipline.

My observation from my decade of working in public schools is that this is one of the greatest contributors to the declined status of our current education system. Essentially, what our schools are attempting to do with this is to do the job that families are failing to do in the upbringing of their children. Sadly, the approach our schools are taking with this is failing too and as a result of having to wastefully expend their resources on this, they’re failing at what we’re counting on them to do in the first place … to educate our kids.

One step to resolving this dilemma is for families to return to their Firm Foundation, as outlined in the preceding edition of this series – i.e. to return to being dedicated to caring for each other, their children, their preceding generations and subsequent generations. But, for our schools to eliminate the challenges they currently face as a result of this dedication being greatly lacking in today’s families, they can’t simply assume that their student-families will adhere to this needed caring dedication. They must insist on it.

In order to do this, our schools must first define expectations for student-behaviors. These behaviors must be defined to maximize the efficiency of the resources that the school invests in their students’ education. Likewise they must minimize any distractions from their students’ education. Then, a requirement of student enrollment should be that their families sign off on their agreement to the school’s mandatory expectations for student behaviors. Non-compliance would result in the removal of the student from the school and for the families to take over full responsibility for that students education.

Although having our schools insist on student-families taking responsibility for their students’ behaviors at school is an appropriate step for resolving the dilemma that our schools currently face with Student Discipline, it is an idealistic notion. It begs the question, “What is a better way to manage the behaviors of the current crop of students being sent to our schools by today’s families? Most often, this question results in endless debates pitting today’s methods for Student Discipline against the related practices from “back in the day.” Since I was a public school student “back in the day”, early on in my days as a public school employee, I fell into the trap of this debate. Here’s how:

The school district where I worked did use an approach to Student Discipline that ultimately concluded with expulsions but they were never absolute. An expelled student would, simply be sent to another school for a time. This included being sent to special schools set up, specifically, for students who will not/can not behave appropriately. The steps leading up to expulsion included suspension, various forms of detention, being sent to a “buddy room” and various forms of in-class discipline, including the use of a “resolution room.” Actually, “resolution rooms” or “quiet rooms” have a legitimate function in classrooms for kids with special needs. Mostly, they are meant as a place to put a student to keep them from harming themselves and/or others. When I first heard the term “resolution room”, I thought it was just another step in dealing with Student Discipline that had no real consequences. My reaction was, “We, also, had resolution rooms back when I was in school. Ours looked like a hallway and it looked like the Principal was out there with a paddle. I only visited there once. That’s all it took for me to get the message.”

With that, you may assume that I’m recommending a return to corporal punishment. That was effective and it is Biblical but I don’t think it would be realistic for me to expect today’s society to accept it. However, it is true that the approach to Student Discipline by today’s schools is failing and it needs to be replaced by something that is effective.

Ironically, I believe that the COVID-19 crisis has handed us a great solution. None of our students are in classrooms right now. That includes the students who will not/can not behave appropriately … the very students whose behaviors waste the resources that schools invest in their students’ education and whose behaviors greatly distract from other students’ education, as well as their own. Right now, any education being provided through our public schools is being delivered online.

There is no way to fully know what our world’s “new normal” will look like when the COVID-19 crisis settles down. Perhaps online learning through our public schools will remain as a much more significant factor than it did before the crisis. Maybe public schools will return, as much as possible, to the in-classroom learning we’ve been accustomed to. Regardless, I see online learning as an effective way for our public schools to replace today’s general approach to Student Discipline. It can take the place of a “buddy room” or detentions or suspensions or expulsions, including permanent expulsions when necessary. In any case, it would greatly diminish the burden of this very detrimental issue from our schools and move that responsibility to where it belongs … on to the student-families and the students themselves.

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Beauty for Ashes …

… in the Wake of COVID-19

……. for Our Families

From Normal to a Better New Normal

Today, our world is a long way from what just a short time ago we thought of as “normal”. And, when the COVID-19 pandemic is more under control, we shouldn’t expect our world to return to that “normal”.

Right now, we may tend to focus on what we’ve lost from the old “normal”, as well as what we anticipate losing in the new “normal”. But, it’s not all loss now and it doesn’t have to be after the current crisis has passed. A good example is that in the middle of this crisis, “miraculously”, we suddenly found it possible to get our homeless off our streets.

In his video, entitled Silver Lining of Coronavirus Pandemic, Radio Talk Show Host Dennis Prager points out that life has never been meant to be pain-free. He contends that toughening us up to this fact of life is a silver lining to the COVID-19 related crisis. My goal in this reawakening of Here I Raise My Ebenezer is to take a look beyond this to ways this crisis can serve as a vehicle to make and/or maintain positive changes in our society.

In the time immediately preceding the world’s current crisis, there were many social issues sorely in need of change. But, typically, time and other resources were too limited to address those needs. Now that many of our “normal” activities have been put on hold, we have more time available to make plans for making those needed changes, as well as plans for maintaining positive changes that have been forced by the current crisis.

During this time, I intend to use Here I Raise My Ebenezer to address several of these issues. With this writing, I’m focusing on a crucial social element that is near and dear to my heart … our Families.

Our families, resting on the firm foundation of our communities, was once the strength of our social fabric. The quarantine of our old “normal” offers us a unique opportunity to renew the health of this critical element in our society.

Strengthening Healthy Families

For better or worse; the closing of businesses, schools, entertainment venues, etc., along with social distancing and limiting the size of gatherings, is forcing us all to spend more time with those with whom we live …. in most cases, that means our families. In the best-case scenarios, this means we get to spend more time investing in those we love and our relationships with them. In my opinion, an overarching facet of this should be to develop new habits in doing this so that we won’t easily or willingly give them up when the pressures of returning to whatever our new “normal” is begins to encroach on this rediscovered treasure.

Strengthening Troubled Families

Of course, there are many families with challenges in place that would dampen the interest of some to invest any time in other family members. My prayer is that individuals who fit this description will take the same approach with this that I recommend for everyone for helping the world get through this time of crisis … be determined to be part of the solution, not part of the problem, by doing something good for others.

This can only be successful, though, if both parties humble themselves and adopt the same attitude. Even then, the two parties may not be able to find all the needed answers for their troubled relationship on their own. More good news! Although many churches are streaming church services online, many of their “normal” activities have been postponed. That means there are some great counseling resources available and they don’t have to be delivered face-to-face. So, whether it’s a troubled marriage or a troubled parent/child relationship or a troubled relationship between siblings or … , there is ample time available and resources are readily available for helping to bring the needed healing. The key remaining necessary element is your willingness to invest in making beauty a reality where ashes are imminent.

Healing Broken Families

In an article entitled Land Where the Fathers Hide, I addressed a level of “troubled relationships” that goes well beyond those mentioned immediately above. For the most part, this focused on the issues resulting from one or both parents being missing in the lives of their children. The causes for this include parents who vanish simply out of selfish irresponsibility. Divorce contributes to this as well, in some cases involving the bitterness of one parent estranging the other from their children. And there are circumstances resulting from bad choices made by one or both parents resulting in imprisonment, drug addiction, etc.

As obviously challenging as these situations are, I firmly believe they can be transformed. Here too, success depends on all parties involved humbling themselves and adopting an attitude of being determined to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

In order to provide encouragement to those who have relationships that fall into this last category, I want to recount for you a real-life story that I witnessed taking place just since the COVID-19 related crisis began. This involves a couple who married when they were very young, when she got pregnant. Their marriage only lasted a few years after their baby was born. They caused each other a lot of pain in ending their marriage and since then, they haven’t had much of a relationship and most of the relationship they have had has been counterproductive. Though they now have grown grandchildren, in all that time they seemed unwilling or disinterested in finding forgiveness for each other. However, in recent years, they became aware that they had both returned to living according to their Christian faith. So, when the current crisis hit, it heightened their concern that their child and their grandchildren don’t appear to be leading their lives as faithful Christians. As a result, they reached out to each other and agreed to jointly communicate to their child and their grandchildren with a message about the paramount importance of faith at a time like this. It’s too early to assess the results of their reaching out to their offspring but it’s clear that this effort did result in one major accomplishment … their forgiveness of each other.

Real Hope for Our Families

Although I find this real-life story to be encouraging, I realize that it doesn’t map to every case involving divorce. And, cases involving abandonment, imprisonment, drug addiction, etc., can certainly be more complex. But, at the very least, this story should serve as encouragement that, as hopeless as some family circumstances may seem, hope can be found. Moreover, if we do take advantage of our current circumstances to strengthen our healthy and even our troubled families, our number of broken families in need of healing will be significantly reduced and overall, the health of our families, as a great strength of our social fabric, will be renewed.

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LOVE WAS HER LIFE’S THEME

My eulogy for my Mother, as read at her funeral.

When Jesus was asked “What is the greatest commandment?”, He answered, “Love God with everything you’ve got and show that by doing likewise with your fellow man.” Of course, that is a paraphrase but my Mother took it literally and quite seriously. I think it’s fair to say that love was her life’s theme.

Geraldine Elizabeth Ray Wiram August 12, 1919 - April 14, 2016

Geraldine Elizabeth Ray Wiram

August 12,1919 – April 14, 2016

FROM BIRTHPLACE TO HOMETOWN

That was demonstrated from her beginning, in her birthplace, Greenville, IL. Her connection with family and friends that she knew prior to her family moving to Terre Haute, was something she always treasured. Of course, the most precious to her we’re those who went with her to Terre Haute; her Father E. K. Ray, her Mother Clara, her Sister Thelma and her Brother who died in infancy. Throughout her life, she looked forward to getting to know him in Heaven and now, she’s getting to do that.

The people I knew as Grandpa and Grandma Ray, Aunt Thelma and Mom started becoming part of their community through Grandpa’s job on the Pennsylvania Railroad, through neighborhood activities, through school activities, through service organizations and probably most important of all, through the Second Avenue Evangelical United Brethren Church. The relationships that were developed during that time are too numerous to mention but, as evidenced by some who are here even today, these were not passing acquaintances but loving relationships that Mom nurtured throughout her life.

MOST SIGNIFICANT NEW RELATIONSHIPS

I do want to mention two relationships that we’re of particular importance though. During that time, my Aunt Thelma met a handsome young man, named Bob McIndoo. For the sake of brevity, let me just say that I ended up knowing him as Uncle Bob. He was a man I truly admired and Mom loved him dearly, as she did Thelma’s and Bob’s children; my late Cousin Ron, my Cousin Janet Sue and my Cousin Jim. Since they have been a prolific bunch, that gave Mom In-laws, grandchildren and next generations of the same to love too.

The other particularly important relationship developed during that time involved another handsome young man named Chet Wiram. Although you won’t find his name in Mom’s obituary, he was of great importance in her life. His Dad worked on the Pennsy too, they lived in the same neighborhood, they went to the same schools and they were together in the youth group at Second Avenue EUB. There were 12 Wiram kids, 10 who survived childhood, so even if they had just become friends, that would have expanded Mom’s social circle exponentially. But, a romance blossomed and when he was 21 and she was 19, they married. Of course, that worked out to the benefit of many in this room today, including my Sister Nancy, our late Brother Dick and myself. Then, along with Mom, in addition to the Rays, the McIndoos and all those Wirams, there was us to love. Added to that we’re the Franzwas, the Sagraves, the D’Amicos and the Dillers, through a Son-in-law and three Daughters-in-law, who she loved as her own children. Since we have been a rather prolific bunch too, grandchildren and next generations were added to Mom’s circle of love through this too.

CHOOSING LOVE

In my view, Mom’s love was most vividly demonstrated in her dedication to her Husband and her children. Shortly after Nancy was born, Dad joined the Navy and went off to WWII. About nine months after Mom visited Dad in his Southern California port, Dick came along. And, not long after the war ended, their baby boomer showed up … that’s me. All during that time, Mom’s love was the driving force, holding that young little family together. At the start of the next decade, though, Chet and Gerry’s marriage ended. Mom responded by pouring her life and love into her children. In the process, she found the job that would provide her living for the rest of her life. She became a Long Distance Telephone Operator. In the beginning, that meant working a split shift and riding the bus two round trips per day, so that she could see her kids off to school in the morning and be there when they came home in the afternoon. She recruited my Aunt Carolyn and several neighborhood ladies to stand in the gap for the times she couldn’t be there. My Sister joined in with that more and more, as she got older. I don’t think its an exaggeration to sum up this season of Mom’s life by saying, “No greater love has a woman than this, than to lay down her life for her family.” Continue reading

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April 19, 2016 · 6:25 am

Single Moms – Mapping Their Son’s Masculine Journey

THE MASCULINE HEART

Wild HeartOn a recent vacation, while driving round trip from Southwest Washington to Northwest Wyoming, I finally managed to finish a book a friend had loaned me this past winter. It was The Way of the Wild Heart, by John Eldredge. It’s a follow-up to another of Eldredge’s best-sellers, Wild at Heart.

The subtitle of Wild at Heart is: Discovering the Secret of a Man’s Soul. Its back cover expands on that by saying: “In Wild at Heart, John Eldredge invites men to recover their masculine heart, defined in the image of a passionate God.” In the book, Eldredge lays out three main longings of every male on their journey in life. Each man longs for: A battle to fight, An adventure to live and A beauty to rescue. In The Way of the Wild Heart, Eldredge expands on this theme by noting six major phases of a man’s life: Beloved Son, Cowboy (or Ranger), Warrior, Lover, King and Sage. This book’s main point is that God wants to come and father us through each of these stages. The key underlying theme, though, is the vital role earthly fathers and male mentors are meant to play in accomplishing this.

SHOWING THE WAY Continue reading

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Repairing America’s Social Fabric

Securing The Legacy Of The Greatest Generation – Part Two

Rockwell Diversity

YESTERDAY’S SUPERIOR VALUES

In Part One of this series, I pointed out a number of values that were commonly held in the heyday of the Greatest Generation, values that are significantly different from (and I think vastly superior to) our related values today. My purpose in doing that was to explore how America would benefit through reacquiring those once-common values and applying them to our present-day challenges. With that in mind, in this article, I want to more specifically try to answer the question, “What are the problems facing us today that can be addressed in this way?” Once I’ve examined the “What?” question here, in future articles I intend to take up the question of “How?”.

TODAY’S DAUNTING CHALLENGES

As I’ve considered this “What?” question, it has seemed to me that applying once-common values of the Greatest Generation might offer solutions to a broad range of present-day challenges. However, to illustrate my views on this, I’m going to focus on a single concern. It’s one that’s deeply troubling and in fact, this disturbing matter is the one that got my thinking started on this topic in the first place. It’s School Shootings. Continue reading

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A Housewarming Gift In Heaven

Nancy Gary Dick Backyard

MY BIG BROTHER

This past Friday morning, we got the news that my big brother had passed away overnight, near where he lived, in Alabama. When our big sister broke the news to our nearly 95-year-old mother, the words of comfort I offered her included: “Thank you for giving me as good of a big brother as a guy could ask for and thank you for pointing all your kids to Jesus.” My comfort during this time lies in knowing that that’s where my brother is now … at home in Heaven with Jesus. As a result, more than I would ordinarily, I’ve found myself considering what things are like in Heaven.

My Big BrotherChester Richard (Dick) Wiram is my big brother. Of course, there’s a lot I could tell you about him. If you’d like to know some of his biography, I recommend starting with his obituary, that appeared in our hometown newspaper. What I’d really like to tell you about, though, is a bit about the kind of guy he was and how he impacted my life.

BROTHERS?!

When he passed away, Dick was close to 70 years old. I’m nearing 67 so that means Dick got the first three years of his time here on Earth to himself, without the responsibility of being my big brother. If he was still here with us, I expect that he would refer to that time as “the good old days”.

Isn’t that the way it is with brothers? You can say and do things with each other that you couldn’t get away with if it was anyone else. But, you can do so with your brother because it’s usually done in jest and because of the love you share. Dick was great at that. I told my wife, Ruth; it seemed that Dick had done that by taking our Dad’s wry sense of humor and developing it to a whole new level. Continue reading

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All Are Precious In His Sight

Barbara Boyle's 3B Class - Warren Elementary - 1955-56

LIVE IN HARMONY

This past week, I got to spend a little time with a First Grade Teacher who is also one of my very favorite people. She was teaching our class to join her class in singing and signing a song called The World Is A Rainbow. This was in preparation for an assembly that, I assumed, was related to the upcoming Doctor Martin Luther King Jr. holiday. Although it would be an oversimplification (and somewhat outdated) for me to say that her purpose in this was to teach racial harmony, that was certainly a part of what she had in mind.

My first lesson in racial harmony came when I was First-Grade-aged or younger and it took place in church, not in school. Then, the song we sang was entitled Jesus Loves The Little Children. As I thought of these differences in experiences between the kids of today and the kids of my day, that led me to consider the ramifications.

ALL THE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD?! Continue reading

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Play Mean but Play Clean

dick-butkus-coverWhat comes to mind for you when you hear the name Dick Butkus? Immediately, I think along the lines of the caption on this Sports Illustrated cover … “Dick Butkus of the Bears – The most feared man in the game (NFL Football)”. No doubt, many others (especially those of my generation) share that same first thought. And, there’s ample justification for that line of thinking. The 6 ft 3 in, 245 lb Butkus, was known as one of the most feared and intimidating linebackers during his nine years as a player for the Chicago Bears.

Next, you may think of Dick Butkus as a celebrity endorser and actor. That’s my next thought too. And, here too, there’s plenty of good reason for thinking that way. The “most feared man in the game” persona of this Pro Football Hall of Fame member has been very effective in promoting brand names, from his Miller Lite commercials with Bubba Smith  to his “I’m sorry, Dick Butkus” spots for FedEx. And, Butkus has had numerous roles on TV and in the movies. He was even the namesake for Rocky’s English Mastiff, in both the Rocky and Rocky II movies.

So, if you met him today, wouldn’t you expect to meet a somewhat older version of the Dick Butkus you’ve come to know about over the years? That is, an imposing figure who still lives in his hometown, Chicago, whose time is mostly spent enjoying the leisure activities of retirement, along with some dabbling in the worlds of sports and entertainment. That’s what I thought when my Wife, Ruth and I had the pleasure of meeting him recently at a MarriageTeam Tailgate Party & Auction. I will say that the qualities I expected to find in his makeup all seemed to be present and undiminished. However, I also got to start becoming acquainted with some dimensions of the man that were a pleasant surprise. One of these is a campaign he started, called Play Clean™. It’s a program that encourages teens to “train hard, eat well, and play with attitude”, instead of resorting to illegal steroids. His willingness to take this stand against steroids caused USA Today to comment that Butkus may have a greater impact on the game in his 60s (now 70s) than he did playing in his 20s. Continue reading

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